January 2012
thirdbeatred asked: hey remember that time we mixed our record in oslo?
Okay Tumblr it’s your turn to tell me what to read next. Go go go!
Man I have a lot of shit to do
Better eat everything while watching terrible television.
“Well I have 46 morphine pills in the cupboard then…”
– my grandma when I declined the Tylenol with codeine she offered me
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the power was out at work today which meant the heat was out which means my back hurts so fucking much right now that i want to cry while stabbing everyone and i just want something nice to happen but it won’t because why would it
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“I think eating my feelings would involve eating Flaming Hot Cheetos. Because my...”
– Gary
Note to self:
Stop forgetting to eat regularly. You’re supposed to be an adult, not constantly on the verge of passing out. You dildobrain.
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“i got the fever! asshole fever!”
– jaime chainsaw
Gary hasn't slept
Gary: pie charts in the shape of a butt
Gary: or bar graphs made of dongs with buttholes at the top
“Leave your family, abandon your children, touch yourself, you know you want it.”
– Anthony Bourdain
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pretty sure most if not all of the objects of my boneration are onto me. what an unfortunate thing to happen to someone with a face like mine. mothers (of 20-something-year-old dirtbags), hide your sons. unless you want them to be made to feel super uncomfortable.
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“If I have to stand up, things are going to kick off around here.”
– Sue White (Green Wing)
I will answer your questions, but only in the language of a crow.
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my grandma just tried to give me a bible because i “like old books and stuff, right?” OH CATHOLICS. YOU SO SNEAKY.
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woke up sick. my mouth tastes like poison and i want to go home. oh i am home? that was fast.
Apparently I have read at least 109 books since...
What the fuck is wrong with me?
The Slow Death - Phantom Limbs
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Gary: we should start our own ~caravan club~ with all our boners
Gary: and then we can bang them all inside a garden shed
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i’m never going to fall in love with a person ever again because no one will ever make me feel as good as eating a grilled cheese sandwich dunked in tomato soup does so what would even be the point?
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i can’t stop being creepy so i’m going back to bed
herownreflection:
tinctures:
Apparently there’s a diner downtown with deep-fried pickles on the menu. WHY IS NO ONE ELSE EXCITED ABOUT THIS?
I would be way excited about this if the diner weren’t in the wrong place.
If we were near each other we’d be the fattest and drunkest ever. We’d have to grow beards and start a band.
Apparently there’s a diner downtown with deep-fried pickles on the menu. WHY IS NO ONE ELSE EXCITED ABOUT THIS?
K8: let's make sex robots
K8: the hardest part will be getting yours to drink beer
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How my brain works
Oh that super foxy dude I always ignore because I secretly think he’s super attractive and want to nail him but don’t want him to know has decided to not only acknowledge my existence but also initiate a conversation with me? Better act like a complete idiot so he never makes that mistake again.
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“Goddammit Lint, you read a book a day?! Fuck you.”
– Jaime
thirdbeatred replied to your post: laid off as of february 1rst. i always dreamed…
ommmgggg is this for real? high fives forever if so.
Well it WAS but when I got to work at midnight my coworker informed me that a) we’re being kept on until March 1rst, b) the boss is suddenly trying super hard to stop the business from going tits up, and c) he and one of the drivers assigned us all...
laid off as of february 1rst. i always dreamed this day would come.
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Elvis Costello - Cheap Reward Just remember...
i eat my feelings because my feelings are delicious
December 2011
The Best New Television of 2011
Michael: Tuesdays & Thursdays Best show out of Canada since Trailer Park Boys. It’s got the whole What About Bob? thing going with the loveable anxiety-ridden patient and troubled doctor, but super adorable because the doctor isn’t that massive a cunt. I am in love with Michael and Claire, together and individually, and everyone should watch this show because it’s...
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Gary trying to convince me I boner a bridge troll
Gary: HES SAD AND WEARS GLASSES AND SMELLS BAD AND SEEMS SUPER AWKWARD
Gary: ALL HES MISSING IS THE BEARD
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