February 2012
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just one more beer can solve just about anything
Monikers - 80 Proof
Vet: Don't worry. Rat lice are species specific. You can't get them.
My brain: SHE'S LYING. STERILIZE YOUR ENTIRE APARTMENT.
cedric and cyril have lice. darwin does not. favorite rat forever.
Josh: When I go crazy and start blowing up buildings, YOU'LL BE BY MY SIDE RIGHT LINT
Lint: holding the gas can
Josh: Yeees
Josh: You'll be my Harley Quinn
two sick and needy rats out of three. no idea what’s wrong with cedric. going to the vet tomorrow even though i can’t afford it at all. paranoid of parasites. WHY AM I SO ITCHY? gotta sterilize everything even though i’m so exhausted i barely know where i am. about to burst into tears. fuck my whole entire life.
1 tag
Things I need to do tomorrow:
Apply for a million jobs
Go to the post office
Wash the dishes
Get my hair cut
Things I will probably do tomorrow:
Sleep until noon
Watch an entire season of Home Movies
Dirty up even more dishes
Go back to bed
ALMOST. THIRTY.
Lint: WHO FUCKS CYCLOPS WHEN THEY COULD HAVE WOLVERINE????
Josh: Nooo idea. Maybe Jean just has a low self esteem because she can hear what everybody says about her
Josh: And then Cyclops comes along, and he's thinking about lasers and turtles
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“You’re Canadian and as hairy as a lumberjack.”
– Josh on why I’d be Wolverine if I were a member of the X-Men
Today my 45-year-old aunt showed me her new piercing. That she did herself. While drunk. With a darning needle. Intentionally. Through her hand. Through her hand.
Trying to raise some hard love
WE ARE STARTING TO PLANT SHIT FOR THE FOOD GARDEN TODAY. STOKED.
2 tags
For the past two weeks I’ve been reading really good books that people I actually like have lent or recommended to me. The hours spent engrossed in those suckers have been the bright spots in my otherwise abysmal days. It sort of makes me feel like I’m time traveling to whenever the lender first read the book themselves and experiencing it with them. It also makes work go by faster...
They told me I could be somebody if I didn’t let too much get in my way. And I tried so hard just to be myself but I keep on fading away.
2 tags
1 tag
EVERYONE IS THE WORST TODAY.
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Super looking forward to unemployment next month
Customer: Can you send one of your cabs to the big black dump truck in the A&W parking lot to come get my laundry, then bring it to the laundromat and back to me when it's done?
Me: Uh. We're a cab company. We don't do that.
Customer: Why are you being so ignorant, dear?
To-do list:
Steal military equipment
Mix record in Oslo
Discover fire
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feeling too unhealthy to make food. hello icecream for dinner.
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“Fuck, I hate myself. But god, I love this person who is exactly like me”
– Lint and Me, when thinking about Me and Lint (via joemoeschmoe)
2 tags
Angry Boner Face
Josh: Maybe
Josh: You can
Josh: Sexy frown
Josh: Like
Josh: Michelle Obama
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I wish I had normal allergies instead of the kind that make me feel like I’ve been kicked in the face and left in a riverbed overnight
thirdbeatred replied to your post: YOU SHOULD BE MY BOYFRIEND
OK
FINALLY
1 tag
YOU SHOULD BE MY BOYFRIEND
January 2012
“You’re not disgusting, you just appreciate disgusting people.”
– Jaime
Angry boner face
Been doing a lot of that lately
1 tag
K8: I JUST FOUND OUT
K8: MY GRANDFATHER ALMOST KILLED A CAT BY GIVING IT WEED
K8: FOR SCIENCE
thirdbeatred asked: hey remember that time we mixed our record in oslo?
Okay Tumblr it’s your turn to tell me what to read next. Go go go!
Man I have a lot of shit to do
Better eat everything while watching terrible television.
“Well I have 46 morphine pills in the cupboard then…”
– my grandma when I declined the Tylenol with codeine she offered me
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the power was out at work today which meant the heat was out which means my back hurts so fucking much right now that i want to cry while stabbing everyone and i just want something nice to happen but it won’t because why would it
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“I think eating my feelings would involve eating Flaming Hot Cheetos. Because my...”
– Gary
Note to self:
Stop forgetting to eat regularly. You’re supposed to be an adult, not constantly on the verge of passing out. You dildobrain.
2 tags
“i got the fever! asshole fever!”
– jaime chainsaw
Gary hasn't slept
Gary: pie charts in the shape of a butt
Gary: or bar graphs made of dongs with buttholes at the top
“Leave your family, abandon your children, touch yourself, you know you want it.”
– Anthony Bourdain
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pretty sure most if not all of the objects of my boneration are onto me. what an unfortunate thing to happen to someone with a face like mine. mothers (of 20-something-year-old dirtbags), hide your sons. unless you want them to be made to feel super uncomfortable.
1 tag
“If I have to stand up, things are going to kick off around here.”
– Sue White (Green Wing)